If anything is re-enforcing my belief in divine appointments, it is all the music that is floating my way during the quarantine period of Covid-19 in in America. John Louis released a barnburner of a record that feels custom made for someone of my temperament.

I’m a worrier. I’m a deep feeler. I like getting lost in the moment at a rock show. And I have a deep love for Jimmy Eat World.

So, why not listen to alt-emo record titled “I’ll Be Fine”? I need to tell myself this all the time, especially now. I had to cancel a festival last month and I’m unsure if I’ll be having it this year at all. A work passion project bit the dust in early January because of bureaucratic garbage. And yet… I have friends. I have music. I have hope. I’ll be fine. That’s the vibe I get when listening to this. Acknowledge the pain with words, but stay optimistic with your mood (or in this case, sound). And when you get major Jim Adkins vibes from John Louis in hooks like “What are we doing? Oh no…” sung in that sort of “whoa-oh-oh” fashion that just hits the spot.

Being optimistic overall doesn’t mean ignorance of pain or passion. Both are present in spades. The songs “Your Eyes Were Dry” and “Without You” provide a one-two punch to the gut with brutal lyrics that articulate heartbreak in a way that has to be autobiographical. In the latter, the chorus “I wish I had known / Right from the moment I met you I’d feel more alone / With you than without you” is particularly gut wrenching. In the context of the feel of the whole record, this line can be seen as a good thing; introspection as a sign of growth that will lead to better days, and a better relationship.

Perhaps the song that hits on a personal note the most is “Spent.” I’m a person of faith – if you know me personally you probably are thinking “duh, Ryan.” But anyway… reading about the raw spiritual struggle of others always puts me in a weird introspective place. Deep down, my beliefs haven’t changed. But my perspective sure has! I can relate to God seeming silent far away, and especially the chorus: “When the healing start? How long do I have to feel this low? Why don’t I protect my heart? I can’t ever remember feeling so alone.” Especially “Why don’t I protect my heart?” Especially that.

Honestly I went into this record thinking it was going to be a lot happier. But I still maintain that there’s an underlying optimism in the melodies and overall sound… as brutal as it may be. Maybe it’s the way my brain thinks – I’ve been known to find sad songs soothing (see Julien Baker, for example).

John, you might not know when you’re going to heal but I guarantee writing this record was a good step. And I bet God heard ya, too. Keep on strumming and pursuing that atmospheric sound. People will listen to this and heal, even if just an iota. Especially now, when people are social distancing and probably feel alone.

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